Finding Beauty In Negative Spaces

knowing whats best

Wed, 02 Dec 2009 02:37:18 GMT

And the hardest part is letting go
Of the nights we shared

But compared to your eyes, nothing shines quite as bright
And when we look to the sky, its not mine, but i want it so

Because these words are never easier for me to say
Or her to second guess
But I guess
That I can live without you but
Without you I'll be miserable at best

You're all that I hoped I'd find
In every single way
And everything I would give
Is everything you couldn't take
Cause nothing feels like home, you're a thousand miles away
And the hardest part of living
Is just taking breaths to stay

Because I know I'm good for something
I just haven't found it yet
but i need you
But I need it

feeling so empty so lost.
everything seems so blurred once again.
trying to get to sleep just tortures you each time you close your eyes with series of unwanted thoughts playing over and over again
anyway i cant be selfish.
i should want whats best for you.
lost it all
nothing lasts for ever im sorry i cant be
perfect

sticks and stones to the ground
we are lost and found
love is never going to save us

this may be the most down of all downs of my birthdays,
but im proud to say
ive done whats best for you
since you have decided
then i guess that is whats best

im afraid you'll just fade away but yes i know
i brought this upon myself
im giving up on love
no actually im not
ive given up on myself
simple as that
im never going to be a good boyfriend what more a family man

i brought this upon myself.
i made something that could really finally be forever, just be never
im just a sitting duck now.
just waiting to see you go, i cant do anything.
im just lost without you

dont leave me

Sun, 08 Nov 2009 11:41:10 GMT

well you already have
ive got nothing left worth living for, yes killing myself is childish and im not going to do that
i just feel so lost now
everything i look at in my house all i can see is stuff we used to do together,
most of the stuff you did alone because im lazy
no more teh peng ka dai, no more icemilo
dont want to be reminded
i just need you, and i dont want to lose you.
i hope you will come back.
i feel horrible.
horribly sorry
i can only reminisce all about it.
i hope this wont be another disappointment,
im giving up on myself.
please come back Sano Chia Hiraide
im sorry its all my fault.
have fun with your new life

Hold

Sun, 01 Nov 2009 18:50:34 GMT

Would you hold me in your arms,
forever and ever!
lets make history and never be history thats what i want, i hope you can make this come true.
stop the lies, and all the little nonsense that you havent realise its not good for us and we'll be fine

never before felt,
never before thought,
never before will feel this ever again,
never before will leave
never before missed
never before felt so lousy

all i can think is you, all i try and do is for you
i hope you'll wake up.
thats all i can ask for

Wed, 28 Oct 2009 18:38:36 GMT

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAREST BABY!

The first birthday i have ever celebrated with someone i love(girl) usually its all guys! but yes thank you baby!
Lets work this out

Thu, 04 Jun 2009 11:21:14 GMT

its times like this where the lost has finally been found.
after someone picks you up, the unnecessary thoughts start forming notions in your head
will this last, is this just infatuation, will i get played out. or whatever
on my part i no its not.
but still i thank God for allowing me to know her, thank you God for the scolding given by Gillian, for me to pick up balls.
well lord,from here on out, all i hope is for your blessings, we are going to rely on your alot.
make things work please.
i had enough of short relationships.
let this be true,

for the first time in my life, something someone says can be so reassuring.
i feel the ease, willingness.
its hard to explain.
im sick of emo shite posts and doing stupid things to myself.

i thank my bros you know who you are for the encouragement and all.
right now i know some of you guys are in difficulty,
2 of them especially, my 2 head shaking brothers you know who you are (: dont fret, we are all here (: smile for me
love you guys

LOVE YOU BABE
we'll make this WORK

thanks guys!

Sat, 30 May 2009 15:03:10 GMT

even though the won was a forfeit! thanks for letting me play again (:
and damn my foot is like a bar zhang.
ahhaha and its a happy day,
thanks for coming yeah you've been such a dear sano (:
sank you!
you and my dad = X

well well

Thu, 28 May 2009 16:22:01 GMT

oh well guys today was supposed to be training day, the the day i always look forward to, for you know what.
but well today was canceled so sadly i went to school in hope of finding
the joy pill but to no avail.
well no training for 2 weeks, 2weeks of no doze.
im gonna be so siannnn
sian to the max.
oh well!
photos of touch will be uploaded when im not lazy (:

pain

Mon, 25 May 2009 05:58:11 GMT

wah the abrasion on my ass burns like hell! cheekonuggets!
and i want to kill tommy goh sze chuenannanananana chuan puan luan! NNBCB
youchickenbackside you better hope she doesnt go to the blog.
rar

and i pray for Ben lim num boy to recover his left hand.
elijah dolphin lagoon for his sexy mouth.
sharko dior model for his swollen hand,
nasli smiley boy especially for his ankle.
the rest are fine i guess! hahahaa

pain without love,
pain i cant get enough
pain i like it rough
cause i rather feel pain than nothing at all

Thank you guys for today!

Sat, 23 May 2009 14:20:34 GMT

well today was one of the best times, actually you may say the best times playing touch.
thank you np touch for everything it was a fantastic and smokey day.
you guys have been such a great team and good friends.
eljiah aka flying dolphin i hope you recover soon and yo mama wont paranginate you to pieces! (:

abrasion everywhere, freaking burns.
and sad to say my ass has it too, kenrick now i know how you feel. damn. just that mine isnt as bad
oh well thanks for everything guys!

AND CONGRATS MR MVP, his head like a BOTAK (: (package deal with the face)
AND ALSO TO MISS MVP, GIGI! GILLIAN!

always in my heart right hao zhi.
and the $1400 if not counting you in the $1300 just get in ready in case (:

and im too tired to do what you know what i wanted to do tsk tsk (:
full day looking at yan jing tang shiok shiok.

WELL GOODNIGHT GUYS SLEEP EARLY doubt i'll play tonight, tiredxzz maxoutttt.! nighty night

its times like this

Thu, 14 May 2009 17:58:34 GMT

thank you syakir dedric and taiki for backing me up there.
thank you kaiwen kenrick damian for the help too

im sorry for spoiling your night! even though you said it was worth it beating the guy up. but still yeah

thanks loads guys
thanks for always being there for me.
lots of love.

and i see the twins again

Sat, 09 May 2009 13:04:17 GMT

well its mothers day!
bought stuff from harrods for my mamaa! hopefully she'll be pleased
and buy me stuff tmr! muahahahah! im so cunning! NOT
well thats the best i can do after all the worrying ive put her through
anyway yeah
the words of wisdom always comes from her
thanks for picking me up again mum.
i get what you mean (:

iloveyoumum! <3

Wed, 06 May 2009 07:00:52 GMT

oh well life is so boring.
my phone is pratically dead unless counting some random girl who texted me "why did the chicken cross the road" is counted.
well actually she said she texted wrong, then moved on to saying it was truth or dare and had to text a random person.
which in the end told me that she took it from her friend. right.
oh well.
sigh.
its a weds.
boring weds.
things just never go your way, the things you want you can never get.
the things you do not want, just keep coming.

and i beg you my dear, its quite impossible already. really stop coming.

Sat, 25 Apr 2009 09:16:56 GMT

why is it always the wrong people that i dont want that are super nice to me.
thanks for making food for me but im someone who wont appreciate what you do. not even a thanks.
and for the movie im not going either
well you'd have to be that special someone before i can really accept it with open arms, and really be freaking happy
but sorry girl you are not the one.
even though you are really sweet but nope

sorry for not saying thanks when you gave it to me, you have my thanks now

with all i ever wanted, comes with a price.
am i supposed to be happy

Sun, 05 Apr 2009 19:56:54 GMT

YOU GUYS WILL ALWAYS BE IN MY HEART TAKE CARE IN BKK

giving up on myself

Tue, 24 Mar 2009 14:42:54 GMT

im lost, i dont know what to do.
im stuck in the middle of nowhere
thinking of the possible
trying to ditch the impossible.
i just dont know what to do.

and to my blog stalkers ken and gerald STOP STALKING LOL

camp was a blast, health went down fast

Tue, 10 Feb 2009 16:24:10 GMT

freaking sick now, coughing like a dog shitting razor blades,
so many things are happening. so hard to write it all. just stuck at the same blank.

well anyway valentines once again is coming, come to think of it i never got to celebrate it once ever since the maturity of our minds to find another partner. damn, is it a special day, or just like any other day. or maybe its where all your money goes.

taiki a love i can't reach says:

u cfm find ur half an throw me away!

00:16:07taiki a love i can't reach says:

hahha

00:16:18I say:

wont la

taiki i wont go! whatever i want to happen wont happen.
why did i even bother. sigh, fun camp, even with a fever and a swollen eye, its still pretty much enjoyable.
you guys should know why, not only that reason but all my friends there (:
but well whatever i wanted wont even be possible, doubt its even on talking terms damn. holy sad.
no pictures of camp. only one video on facebook oh well. love you guys (: <3 indo boy

i hate that *****

hey ho

Mon, 02 Feb 2009 11:00:45 GMT

and yes i am back, like since wednesday.

time flies, but the memories keep reappearing
memories i dont want to keep.
i cant let go of the past, not now, not yet.
too big an impact.

But who cares, ive got my bestest of the bestest pals in the world, aka Tiongxim (: LOL i love you guys, dearly eternally (:

LOVE YOU ALL PLUSSSSS RUSSEL DEDRIC

misssssss you guysssssssssss

Fri, 23 Jan 2009 07:27:37 GMT

alright, leaving tmr back to feed mosquitosssssssssss, im gonna miss all of the tiong xim brothers! =D even those who never go bintan! (: come back we go prawn prawn! (: LOVE YOU GUYS! <333333333333333333333333333tiong xim brothers of bintan!
MISSING OUT A FEW GUYS WHO DIDT GO! LOVE YOU ALL! (:
i confirm run back to find you all

All i want for Christmas is you

Mon, 15 Dec 2008 17:26:24 GMT

I LOVE THE TIONG XIM BROTHERSZXZXZXZXZXZX
KENRICK HO WEI ZHAO! TIONG XIM CREATOR! <3

GUESS WHAT

Mon, 03 Nov 2008 20:30:47 GMT

The traditional medical management of scoliosis is complex and is determined by the severity of the curvature, skeletal maturity, which together help predict the likelihood of progression.

The conventional options are, in order:

Observation
Bracing
Surgery

You just dont know how good i feel now! thanks loads! i cant believe how stupid i was before! (:
since you soooo f-fing hate me! continue cursing! it doesnt hurt at all! to think hahah just forget it! shall forget the past!

Through The Monsoon

Sat, 01 Nov 2008 06:09:49 GMT

Things just keep getting worse.
Firstly school,
Secondly my friend in denial
thirdly got punched
and just last night someone stole my phone

how great is my life
im still adjusting to the winds and God just wants to bring me down again and again
thanks alot (:

2 faced

Sat, 11 Oct 2008 10:09:16 GMT

well i am lost for words, i kept quiet all this time.
but all this time you were making me look like the jerk.
please think who never wanted to be wrong who never stop bringing up to end it.
please remember who is the one always trying to make things better apologising.
just think about it.
who pretend to never knew about the incident in malaysia,
not letting go of your past.
and now this is what you do. you just make me look like a fool.
really.
fuck np touch team, its all bullshit. all of the same kind.
keep your team. you dont need me. you never did.
you made everyone think i was the jerk, even the guys.
so thanks, keep them

shit is the word

Thu, 02 Oct 2008 15:43:01 GMT

i feel like shit, parents making feel even worse,
whats the point of my fucking worthless life

One

Sat, 27 Sep 2008 14:44:59 GMT

Nothing beats spending time with your friends, but sadly this isnt gonna last as long as i want to, so i am just chionging what i can do with them before some unpleasant stuff has to be brought up. well sigh i just keep getting shit after shit, hahah and yes i'll miss 5v5 with you guys ): oh well. just got to treasure time now while i can.
you only really feel the pain when you are experiencing it, if not you will just be telling yourself it will never happen.
sadly guess what it happened, so yeah shit happens, some way or another the shit hit me, may things turn for the better,
ciaos

i am so bad at what i do,

Sun, 21 Sep 2008 12:51:31 GMT

when all seems to be going fine, the heart just wants to settle somewhere else, i just keep saying no.
but no never seems to go.
HAHHA WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT LOL
sigh anyway yeah,, whatever.
from what i hear, just seems like chance aint coming

i just keep running but i dont know when its coming
well the truth hurts
it kills
and it will tear me apart.
hope hope hope,
jared thats all you can do.

nothing will ever go well for me, i really feel im just a jinx.
maybe i am hoping for you to come into my life