Finding Beauty In Negative Spaces

dont leave me

Sun, 08 Nov 2009 11:41:10 GMT

well you already have
ive got nothing left worth living for, yes killing myself is childish and im not going to do that
i just feel so lost now
everything i look at in my house all i can see is stuff we used to do together,
most of the stuff you did alone because im lazy
no more teh peng ka dai, no more icemilo
dont want to be reminded
i just need you, and i dont want to lose you.
i hope you will come back.
i feel horrible.
horribly sorry
i can only reminisce all about it.
i hope this wont be another disappointment,
im giving up on myself.
please come back Sano Chia Hiraide
im sorry its all my fault.
have fun with your new life

Hold

Sun, 01 Nov 2009 18:50:34 GMT

Would you hold me in your arms,
forever and ever!
lets make history and never be history thats what i want, i hope you can make this come true.
stop the lies, and all the little nonsense that you havent realise its not good for us and we'll be fine

never before felt,
never before thought,
never before will feel this ever again,
never before will leave
never before missed
never before felt so lousy

all i can think is you, all i try and do is for you
i hope you'll wake up.
thats all i can ask for

Wed, 28 Oct 2009 18:38:36 GMT

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAREST BABY!

The first birthday i have ever celebrated with someone i love(girl) usually its all guys! but yes thank you baby!
Lets work this out

Thu, 04 Jun 2009 11:21:14 GMT

its times like this where the lost has finally been found.
after someone picks you up, the unnecessary thoughts start forming notions in your head
will this last, is this just infatuation, will i get played out. or whatever
on my part i no its not.
but still i thank God for allowing me to know her, thank you God for the scolding given by Gillian, for me to pick up balls.
well lord,from here on out, all i hope is for your blessings, we are going to rely on your alot.
make things work please.
i had enough of short relationships.
let this be true,

for the first time in my life, something someone says can be so reassuring.
i feel the ease, willingness.
its hard to explain.
im sick of emo shite posts and doing stupid things to myself.

i thank my bros you know who you are for the encouragement and all.
right now i know some of you guys are in difficulty,
2 of them especially, my 2 head shaking brothers you know who you are (: dont fret, we are all here (: smile for me
love you guys

LOVE YOU BABE
we'll make this WORK

thanks guys!

Sat, 30 May 2009 15:03:10 GMT

even though the won was a forfeit! thanks for letting me play again (:
and damn my foot is like a bar zhang.
ahhaha and its a happy day,
thanks for coming yeah you've been such a dear sano (:
sank you!
you and my dad = X

well well

Thu, 28 May 2009 16:22:01 GMT

oh well guys today was supposed to be training day, the the day i always look forward to, for you know what.
but well today was canceled so sadly i went to school in hope of finding
the joy pill but to no avail.
well no training for 2 weeks, 2weeks of no doze.
im gonna be so siannnn
sian to the max.
oh well!
photos of touch will be uploaded when im not lazy (:

pain

Mon, 25 May 2009 05:58:11 GMT

wah the abrasion on my ass burns like hell! cheekonuggets!
and i want to kill tommy goh sze chuenannanananana chuan puan luan! NNBCB
youchickenbackside you better hope she doesnt go to the blog.
rar

and i pray for Ben lim num boy to recover his left hand.
elijah dolphin lagoon for his sexy mouth.
sharko dior model for his swollen hand,
nasli smiley boy especially for his ankle.
the rest are fine i guess! hahahaa

pain without love,
pain i cant get enough
pain i like it rough
cause i rather feel pain than nothing at all

Thank you guys for today!

Sat, 23 May 2009 14:20:34 GMT

well today was one of the best times, actually you may say the best times playing touch.
thank you np touch for everything it was a fantastic and smokey day.
you guys have been such a great team and good friends.
eljiah aka flying dolphin i hope you recover soon and yo mama wont paranginate you to pieces! (:

abrasion everywhere, freaking burns.
and sad to say my ass has it too, kenrick now i know how you feel. damn. just that mine isnt as bad
oh well thanks for everything guys!

AND CONGRATS MR MVP, his head like a BOTAK (: (package deal with the face)
AND ALSO TO MISS MVP, GIGI! GILLIAN!

always in my heart right hao zhi.
and the $1400 if not counting you in the $1300 just get in ready in case (:

and im too tired to do what you know what i wanted to do tsk tsk (:
full day looking at yan jing tang shiok shiok.

WELL GOODNIGHT GUYS SLEEP EARLY doubt i'll play tonight, tiredxzz maxoutttt.! nighty night

Sat, 16 May 2009 02:59:50 GMT

should i be happy or sad

when i see you, i run out of words to say.
i cant even look you in the face.
how much i want to say something,
but im just holding back.
call me a coward, i guess i am

Lost myself in an endless goodnight
Kept the time by the patterns of the streetlight
Couldn't get it right
I could never get it right
I can't escape all the things we said
I'm taking years off my life with the weight of regret

Now there's nothing left
There's nothing left to lose

Shouldn't I feel all right?
I swear that I tried

To be alright
To sleep at night

The night fades with a breath of sunshine
I'll do my best to adjust to the morning light
I cant keep my place
Feels like I've been awake for days
Sadly, you turn away and now I'm faced
With the harsh truth, the harsh truth
My cold heart is a place where true love cannot bloom

it will never bloom again. this is so hard to fade, so hard to let go, so hard to forget

its times like this

Thu, 14 May 2009 17:58:34 GMT

thank you syakir dedric and taiki for backing me up there.
thank you kaiwen kenrick damian for the help too

im sorry for spoiling your night! even though you said it was worth it beating the guy up. but still yeah

thanks loads guys
thanks for always being there for me.
lots of love.

and i see the twins again

Sat, 09 May 2009 16:13:03 GMT

I miss the sound of your voice 
And I miss the rush of your skin 


And I miss the still of the silence 
As you breathe out and I breathe in 

If I could walk on water 
If I could tell you what's next 
Make you believe 
Make you forget 

I miss the sound of your voice 
The loudest thing in my head 
And I ache to remember 
All the violent, sweet, perfect words that you said 

desire.
i yearn for you, 
for you with me
for you back

there is no me in emo i get it now!

and yes once again

I LOVE YOU MUM MAMA MAMEEE MOTHER MOOMOO MARMAR

Sat, 09 May 2009 13:04:17 GMT

well its mothers day!
bought stuff from harrods for my mamaa! hopefully she'll be pleased
and buy me stuff tmr! muahahahah! im so cunning! NOT
well thats the best i can do after all the worrying ive put her through
anyway yeah
the words of wisdom always comes from her
thanks for picking me up again mum.
i get what you mean (:

iloveyoumum! <3

Sat, 09 May 2009 05:00:50 GMT

its times like this when you need someone to hold you tight, hold you close.
even so, what if the one isnt the one you are hoping for.

do whatever it takes, cause you can never rewind.
i will not stand in your way.
you've chosen,
i will disappear

each day with you was a gift, not a given right.
and that gift is gone
keeping the pictures, not deleting it. the memories, the times.
if today was your last day and tomorrow was too late.
what would you choose,
if i was given a chance to rewind,
what should i have done

love you, definitely

but what am i supposed to do, now that the love is gone
L.O Shit E

Wed, 06 May 2009 21:04:09 GMT

i think i had enough

Wed, 06 May 2009 07:00:52 GMT

oh well life is so boring.
my phone is pratically dead unless counting some random girl who texted me "why did the chicken cross the road" is counted.
well actually she said she texted wrong, then moved on to saying it was truth or dare and had to text a random person.
which in the end told me that she took it from her friend. right.
oh well.
sigh.
its a weds.
boring weds.
things just never go your way, the things you want you can never get.
the things you do not want, just keep coming.

and i beg you my dear, its quite impossible already. really stop coming.

Mon, 04 May 2009 15:59:47 GMT

finally i understand everything

well in a race to put on my 6kg back i ate super alot today.
it doesnt seem to be working well
damn i shall do it everyday and grow fat!

Mon, 04 May 2009 14:19:11 GMT

love doesnt live here anymore
it just used to seem so innocent and pure.
not thinking of the consequences to come. but when it came all we got was chaos.
the pain agony, time.
things keep coming back to me.
the words you say.
the things that i could write down, look at it all day smiling to myself.
and i finally realise, it was all a dream.
a horrible dream
the ones that still come to me every night and i wake up in cold sweat
i pray dear god you'll let me off.
i need good rest.

Reality is so much stranger than fiction, life is worse than a film set.
its tormenting, and tiring.
i need some love, show me some love.
my deepest heartfelt to those who have been there for me.
thanks much

Sun, 03 May 2009 17:27:36 GMT

You say you gotta go and find yourself

You say you're leavin
As you look away
I know theres really nothin left to say
Just know I'm here
Whenever you need me
I'll wait for you

So I'll let you go
I'll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you come back to me
And I hope you find everything that you need
I'll be right here waiting to see
You find you come back to me

let me show you the bright side

all the best you two (:

when its over

Sun, 03 May 2009 15:33:09 GMT

well its over, but all i can say you'll never be forgotten.
i'll always be here, for you to talk to.
i can meet you whenever you want.
we can just stay as friends, just dont ignore me dont ever forget me.
i'll be even more hurt
at least today after i talked to you only then did you try picking up the pieces, i love you, still do.
but it doesnt matter i wish you all the best with shan.
from my heart
i hope shan will allow her to still continue to let her talk to me, she has already stated her stand to love you and you only. you got
nothing much to worry about.
just dont take her totally away from me.
thats all i ask for.
its a closure to the lines. finally after a week.
no point cutting and whatever anymore.
the truth is out.
its a new day, new me.

and you look so good in that dress

Sun, 03 May 2009 00:59:45 GMT

i wish so hard that you will talk to me,

Sat, 02 May 2009 13:01:06 GMT

sigh family gathering now,

its either they are with their girlfriend or boyfriend, leaving me all alone to watch teevee.sigh seeing my whole family and relatives conversing with my cousins new gf makes me so full of envy. i feel so jealous yet still so full of awe, i wish you were here, with me. i wish here everytime. you're always in my mind

Let me be the one who calls you baby
All the time
Surely you can take some comfort
Knowing that you're mine
Just hold me tight, lay by my side
and let me be the one who calls you
Baby all the time

I found my place in the world
Could stare at your face for the rest of
my days
Now I can breathe, turn my insides out
and Smother me
Warm and alive I'm all over you
would you smother me?

i miss you its almost a week since you talked to me, i dont know what to feel like.
i feel so shitty yet i dont know sigh

better days

Sat, 02 May 2009 11:55:43 GMT

and the 7th line in good hope of better days

well
any says (7:44 PM):
well
any says (7:44 PM):
maybe cus afterall, ys is still better la
j says (7:46 PM):
yeah
j says (7:46 PM):
i guess so
j says (7:46 PM):
then i can never becompared
any says (7:47 PM):
yeahhh
any says (7:47 PM):
haiyo

i guess that solves it.
i am nothing in her eyes, just a line in her book.
well im gonna remember everything i never want to go through this again.
its emotionally and mentally tiring.
as much as i want you back, i have lost hope of you talking or texting me.
you seem so okay with not even talking to me. its seems maybe i was just a toy or just a somebody.
well ys you should be so darn happy you got your wish.
so just fuck off with your lies about me already (:
thanks thats all i ask for

Before the lions take their share
Leave us in pieces, scattered everywhere .
It's so clear now that you are all that I have
I have no fear cause you are all that I have
you'll always be in my mind, you'll always have a place in my heart

i dont need another girl, i only want you.
its so easy to find another, but they're unlike you. whats the point
im just going to try and hurt others, do to others what ive been experiencing for almost all my rs.
thats best. you were the biggest blow.

You're cinematic, razor sharp
A welcome arrow through the heart
There is a darkness deep in you
A frightening magic I cling to

i love you jo i really do. but if you think its best to stay away from me gladly go ahead.
No more looking forward to eating sashimi with you, xiao long bao, watching P.S I Love You, going for a picnic, watching the stars.all gone sigh all gone. sigh i'll just go back to crying

maybe the reason why i love the song Get The Fuck Out at phuture, maybe it was a sign to ask me to get the fuck out of her way.
im an asshole, i almost ruined something so beautiful.
im a tyrant, a low down dip shit.
am i really nothing more than a line in your book

till death do us part

Sat, 02 May 2009 03:42:04 GMT

the 6th to never go through it again.

the guys always look like the bad guys

Alberta: Hey you change girlfriend again?
Gilbert: Not change, just new girlfriend, the last one was like so long ago
Alberta: Why are you such a player
Gilbert: its not me, somethings just happened.
Alberta: Guys are always the ones doing shit

do they even understand how we feel.
i doubt so.
treat them too nice
they step on you
treat them too nice they'll just bite you
treat them too nice
they'll just forget you

Wed, 29 Apr 2009 20:23:08 GMT

fifth line to make things better.

what hurts the most was being so close.
you are everything i want,
because you are everything im not.
i can fall for anything you say.

but im not sleeping, you're not here.
that stops my heart from beating.
will you notice i am gone.
it seems so much easier for you, as you said, you decided this not me.
thats why its easier

i want you to know that i miss you, i miss you so much.

when the children cry let them know we've tried.
when the children sing let the new world begin

i failed today, there is always a next time
at least i didt cry thanks to the threats given by everyone (:

staring at clouds and shapes.
i am still searching for the answer, why does this have to happen
maybe i asked too much
and i asked God, he told me i fell.
my body lies kissing the ground, like a cross turned upside down.

a priest is rushing to my side
father you are too late,
my faith is weak.
so wont you save your half hearted speech.

im the arrow shot straight to hell
im so sorry
im so lost.

and my dad says wake up son,
i'll never wake up.
ive lost it.
im tired.
im turning into a monster.
but i'll wait.
a text will suffice.
but it'll never come.
im sorry family, friends and My Dear God.
disappointment knocked me down.

Tue, 28 Apr 2009 20:19:49 GMT

and the forth to remember this day which makes me feel the least important

its so hard to explain how i feel
im so lost,
i cant believe this is happening.
what am i to tell my mum.
its so hard, the lines will just get more obvious, if she sees im screwed sigh.
and what can i tell her about you.
oh she went overseas.
i dont know im lost
without you im so lost.
you dont even talk to me anymore.
its so easy for you,
its not going to be easy for me.
you dont know the hell im going through now.
if it is so easy for you to do this, maybe its true.
you never really cared. i was just there at that time
if i am not, someone please enlighten me.
its killing me.
and im still going to wait